In the tradition of Ali Edward's "one little word" (choosing a word to guide your upcoming year and fill it with meaning and intention) I have chosen: Rediscover.
For me, 2010 will be all about opening my eyes to lots of neglected things around here and getting back into the groove. I have fallen hard into motherhood (which I love!) but in truth, I have lost myself a bit in the process. Much of the day, I feel like I wander around without a compass, stuck in survival mode and it's finally hitting me that that has got to change. With another baby coming in March, I know this year won't be easy, but its has blasted me like a whirlwind that this is my life, and I must stop putting all other aspects, besides parenting, on hold. I'm ready to jump back into life with both feet. For sure.
So! This year I will rediscover:
- The joy of asking for (and receiving) help. Big plans are in the works here. I am in the process of getting a babysitter once a week (to start!) to free up time for me to engage in creative pursuits, go grocery shopping sans babies, or just take a 6 hour long bubble bath. Not sure what will come of this time, but I know that I really need to just "play" a bit to regain my sanity. Indulgent and self-focused? Yes. Necessary for ultimate survival? Um, that's a hell, yes! ;) I'm giddy with excitement just thinking about it.
- My organized self. Gosh, I know it's there somewhere. Buried under stacks of mail, dirty clothes and dishes, scraps of paper, baby accoutrements and a whole lot of clutter. My goal is to dig it out, demand that it pulls itself together and gets us into some kind of routine and schedule!! Setting a course of action will hopefully get me out of that "wandering around" state. I know that flexibility is key, but knowing myself fairly well, too much unstructured free time has been the death of my motivation and productivity. (It doesn't work well for procrastinators).
- Fitness. I will get myself back into a regular yoga practice post-baby. I also want to add other forms of activity into my life--such as bike riding, swimming and cardio. Not setting huge lofty goals for this, but overall want our whole family to enjoy being active together. With my new mint-green bike (a 30th birthday gift from my adorable hubby), I don't see this being that difficult when the weather gets warm. Just need to build time into the schedule.
- MY SELF. This one is the big one. As I mentioned, I have thrown myself into mommyhood wholeheartedly, but starting to realize that I've put my own aspirations on the back burner by doing so. We all know an empty well makes the rest of the family empty (and bitter and angry) and it's the thing I want to change the most this year. In general, creativity (which is my big passion) in any form--whether writing, crafting, sewing, etc. requires some sense of solitude to gather thoughts, time to focus and time to get into the flow. (And it usually requires small parts that are a choking hazard). All this is hard to do with an active toddler. I look forward to the days when I can integrate arts and crafts into our day, or at least when I am not Jonah's one and only playmate. Anyway, I am determined to carve out more time to devote to creating and experimenting as the mood strikes.
Another way I hope to re-connect and rediscover my sense of self is to commit to a meditation practice. Yeah, I know this was on the list from last year, but this year I'm really really going to try. I know that a daily practice is probably not where I'm at, but I think I can commit to going to a local Vipassana Meditation Class on Wednesday nights. I have gone a few times in the past and have loved it. So I'm making a date with my overactive "monkey" mind and seeking solitude and self-awareness. If I can stick with it, I think it will change my entire year. I'll keep you posted.
- What it means to be a Mom. With two babes in tow, I have to find a way to rediscover my definition of motherhood in a more balanced way. Also, I want to rediscover all those delicious "firsts" with the wisdom I have already acquired and bask in the joy of getting to know a new little being filled with magic and wonder.