Dear Jonah,
Four entire years have passed since I gave birth to you and you changed my life and identity forever and ever. I love being your mama! But, when both you and I look back and reflect on these early years, I think it's important to document that it has not often been easy. We have had our challenges, first with your premature birth, then in the first year of your life that seemed just a little too raw, too intense, too sleep-deprived, too much on shaky ground for both of us. But we weathered it, and we grew, and the love that exists between a mother and son shook me to my core and burst my heart open like nothing else could ever do. And that heart-full explosion created more room for joy and gratitude and (believe it or not!) peace and contentment.
I have witnessed such tremendous change and growth in you in these past four years--with all the traditonal milestones, of course, but also all the hard-fought battles that came more easily to so many of your peers--blowing bubbles, jumping, throwing a ball. And now, we are HERE. And we have lots of good days in a row, with less struggles and less battles and more laughs and more ease. More saying yes and less saying no.
To me, four seems MOMENTOUS. I feel a huge shift in you lately and am loving seeing you come into your own. Just a few months ago, it seems like you emerged, or perhaps settled, more into yourself and your body, and the result has been amazing to watch. I love our conversations that seem so logical, and so well thought out, on your part. I love your funny jokes and the way you are always up for an adventure and to try new things. You are just like your Dad in your unparalleled amount of energy and your inability to sit still--you want to do it all, see it all, TOUCH it all. ;) You have a new-found love of the alphabet and still hold tight your love affair with books and reading. Although still a firefighter at heart, your horizons are slowly expanding to new interests and activities. After almost 3 years of appointments, you graduated from physical therapy (this is huge!) and you recently started soccer with your friends. You are incredibly polite and thoughtful and oh my goodness, so LOVING. This is not to say that you won't be found tormenting your little brother or testing me by saying that you're going to hit me (after all, you are a 4 year old boy) but within your true depths you are all heart and love and affection.
One of my favorite things lately is watching you learn, or ask questions, or seeing your face light up when you succeed. You have a healthy sense of self-esteem it seems, as you have been telling me, "mama, did you know that I am good at that?" or "let me have a turn because I'm very good at X." ;) And indeed, my sweet Jonah, you are good. In fact, you are GREAT. And I can't wait to see that greatness make itself known in this world in so many ways that are uniquely your own. Thanks for letting me be a part of that special process and all I can say is: Remember to let your light shine. Shine on, my 4 year old, shine on.
With all the love my heart can hold,
Your mama
