I am your teacher. This is a role that makes me uncomfortable but that I am working to embrace more fully, as I shift my perspective of what the student and teacher relationship really is. With a yoga and meditation background, a teacher figure has always seemed to me someone that was expert, authoritarian, and separate from and demanded loyalty and devotion and a surrendering to.
But I have begun to see how very wrong I am. A teacher is not just someone with knowledge to impart, but rather someone with a deep hunger for a subject who loves the learning as much as the teaching. So let me rephrase: I am your student-teacher. A multi-passionate, devourer of life, obsessed with birth and babies, who is enamored with the transformation that birthing and mothering brings. A nurturer to the core, I love supporting women as they grow into their newfound power, finding it as a seed in pregnancy and then watching it blossom in the postpartum period.
And you, you my love, are a mother. In this moment, you might find that this is a role that is making you uncomfortable (both physically and emotionally). You are newly pregnant, navigating the choices, decisions and uncertainties that come with this precious time. You either feel overwhelmed, unsure where to start, or a little bit numb, too fearful and anxious to rest in the joy of this moment, struggling to trust in any or all of it, most certainly unable to trust in yourself. And it’s safe to say that you’re truly exhausted. You have never been this tired in. all. your. life. Or maybe you’re reading every thing ever written about pregnancy and childbirth and you are trying to manage it all perfectly but it all just feels like too much. You don’t even know what you don’t know, but you know you need to know it all to be a good mom.
What you really need is a guide. Someone to help you navigate this time of pregnancy and birth and postpartum who can help you determine your priorities, distill and disseminate the most useful information and resources, and ultimately connect you to your own inner knowing and power that will define your unique experience of motherhood. You also need a community, because no mother has ever done this alone, and no mother should ever have to.
I am happy to be that guide for you. But please know, I am an imperfect guide and my imperfections scare and embarrass me. I have anxieties of not being enough for you. As a teacher, just as a mother, I feel driven to know it all, offer it all, and fix and save and rescue for the sake of love. But helicopter teaching, as in helicopter parenting, is a disservice to us both. So I must offer my teachings without attachment to the outcome. And I must let you stumble, fall, and live the consequences of your choices. I must not look to you to fill me. Instead, we will practice together how to be deeply engaged and present, controlling what we can, but releasing and opening to what will be.
I have deep gratitude for you sharing this journey with me and for meeting me with shared vulnerability. We will practice self-forgiveness for our beautiful humanity.
As you step into your own power around finding your voice, advocating for your choices and embracing the birth your heart most desires, I too promise to continue stepping into my own power as a teacher. Together we can awaken and heal ourselves and find deep connection and celebration.
With affection and love,